Be careful what you wish for.

helpwigi:

nightvalesponsors:

gingerbludger:

who-the-fuck-let-me-have-a-blog:

women who had period cramps before pain killers were invented were metal as fuck let’s give them a standing ovation

Standing ovulation

A round of menopause.

It was a difficult period of history for everyone

exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear:

erikloser:

stop taking bucky’s metal arm away

stop taking charles’ wheelchair away

stop taking clint’s hearing aids away

disabled superheroes are important stop sucking please

I read this wrong and I was just picturing them all confused as to who keeps taking their stuff.

"Steve have you seen my arm anywhere?"

"Nope, sorry Bucky.  By the way, have you seen Clint’s hearing aids?  He hasn’t been able to hear a damn thing all day"

omysheeran:

danhowled:

that-jolly-tardis-sound:

panic-at-the-order-of-the-tardis:

logans-v-and-dimples:

mikey-way-galaxy:

mikey-way-galaxy:

isetmynarwhalsonfire:

we’re all like this weird combination of wade and sheen

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With a dash of Vicky

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And that vacuum that eats all the mother fucking food

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And Arwin

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and also that dude Spencer from iCarly

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And a pinch of Oliver Oken

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and a lot of Eric Foreman

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God bless this post

thtwhitegurrl:

slutdust:

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS


rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.


i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

image

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

trompehue-studios:

yourheadcanon:

finally living up to my url

NO BUT OMG EQUIUS IN A JACKET………I’M GOING TO JUST……….

you-wish-you-had-this-url:

catp0rn:

this is it. this is the most important gif on tumblr.com

no okay but let me tell you a story
so at school I’m generally a pretty quiet person. I talk to a few people, I have a few friends, but I keep to myself a lot. So anyway, during lunch I’m on tumblr mobile, and this thing comes up. I put the gif onto full screen, and kind of half laugh at it. Then this guy who I have literally never talked to before walks by and then slowly back up and starts looking at my phone screen. I try to explain what I’m looking at, but really, how the hell do you explain this? Anyway, he waves over one of his friends so his friend comes over and looks at it. I’m still sitting in my chair, and we are all still completely silent. Soon more people begin to gather. 12 people, to be exact. 12 people, many of which I have never spoken to before, standing in a large, silent, ritual-esque circle around my iphone which is playing this gif on loop. After about five minutes, the first guy goes “how long is this?” and I was like “uh, its, um, its a gif, so it kind of goes on forever.” he nods and says “perfect”. These were the only words spoken throughout this whole event.

you-wish-you-had-this-url:

catp0rn:

this is it. this is the most important gif on tumblr.com

no okay but let me tell you a story

so at school I’m generally a pretty quiet person. I talk to a few people, I have a few friends, but I keep to myself a lot. So anyway, during lunch I’m on tumblr mobile, and this thing comes up. I put the gif onto full screen, and kind of half laugh at it. Then this guy who I have literally never talked to before walks by and then slowly back up and starts looking at my phone screen. I try to explain what I’m looking at, but really, how the hell do you explain this? Anyway, he waves over one of his friends so his friend comes over and looks at it. I’m still sitting in my chair, and we are all still completely silent. Soon more people begin to gather. 12 people, to be exact. 12 people, many of which I have never spoken to before, standing in a large, silent, ritual-esque circle around my iphone which is playing this gif on loop. After about five minutes, the first guy goes “how long is this?” and I was like “uh, its, um, its a gif, so it kind of goes on forever.” he nods and says “perfect”. These were the only words spoken throughout this whole event.

savingpeoplehunting-things:

doritos-maragaritos:

theramen:

wellhellotello:

fckingmajeliblood:

so-much-hilarity:

I keep having to remind myself that it’s the lionesses that do the hunting and killing and get their faces soaked in blood I mean is there a more badass animal



the king of the jungle
in the second it’s like ‘maybe if I look away she’ll stop yelling at me’

I TOLD YO BITCH ASS TO PICK UP THE CUBS

Its the alpha

Fun fact:When Lions fight they try to look big and powerful to scare off the opponent.
When Lionesses fight, it’s to the death,
And I think that pretty much sums up the difference between males and females. One tries to big itself up, one won’t back down.

savingpeoplehunting-things:

doritos-maragaritos:

theramen:

wellhellotello:

fckingmajeliblood:

so-much-hilarity:

I keep having to remind myself that it’s the lionesses that do the hunting and killing and get their faces soaked in blood I mean is there a more badass animal

the king of the jungle

in the second it’s like ‘maybe if I look away she’ll stop yelling at me’

I TOLD YO BITCH ASS TO PICK UP THE CUBS

Its the alpha

Fun fact:
When Lions fight they try to look big and powerful to scare off the opponent.

When Lionesses fight, it’s to the death,

And I think that pretty much sums up the difference between males and females. One tries to big itself up, one won’t back down.

ohana-means-famiree:

poshcoughing:

americansavior:

itsjustsatanthings:

cumber-bitches:

caswantsdeansassbutt:

cumber-bitches:

cumber-bitches:

I have fruit polos and lollypops be jealous.

omg do many people not know what fruit polos are? they are heaven

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In America, we call them lifesavers. They can be chewy or hard candy. 

polos aren’t chewy and they also come in mint.

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this week on: britan thinks its special

This week on america copies everything from Britain.

HOLD THE FUCK UP

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2,040,605 plays

rockerfox999:

kevinburnsred:

nicolascagesempai:

stahl-ebooks:

heres a midi of hips dont lie with a banjo as the vocals

i cant believe this

this sounds like it belongs in a legend of zelda game

image

sssammich:

someonecalledmefamous:

mu5icliz:

germansam:

tokyosluts:

Sleeping is nice because youre not actually dead and youre not awake so its a win-win situation

It’s like being dead without the commitment.

an open relationship with death

death with benefits

gamegeneral:

krystal-cage:

please just watch this

"It’s one second." I said
"It can’t possible be that great."
I was wrong.

imintodrummers:

99% sure this is what dating luke hemmings is like

nutthing:

r u a sofa bc ur sofaking annoying